EDITED 07/06/2025 to remove identifying places/names.
This is so corny but I HAVE to document how I feel right now. I just left my first in-person Shabbat service and I'm buzzing with excitement. If I felt 100% certain about converting, I must have really only been 99%, and today was when I received that final percent.
I volunteered to help tech the Zoom meetings for services, and today was my orientation. I arrived at 6:15 and met Rabbi in-person for the first time, and shook his hand. I was so nervous, I was flop-sweating. I kept worrying about putting on the kippah the wrong way or having it fall off my head in front of everyone.
Rabbi showed me around the gorgeous, pyramid-shaped synagogue before hustling back to his office. I sat in the hall and waited for my instructor to arrive, greeting folks I had only met via Zoom as they entered. I was so excited to see familiar faces from Torah study in-person.
When my instructor arrived, he swiftly introduced me to the sound equipment and cameras I'd be manning. I was surprised to see audio equipment of the same caliber as the radio station I worked at in college.
When the Zoom call started, I saw a familiar face amongst the attendees -- my favorite high school teacher. Of all the teachers I ever had, this is the only one I would like to keep in touch with, but she's disappeared from social media and we had lost touch. I wanted to type into the chat HI MS ***** I MISS YOU! HOPE YOURE DOING WELL!! but I just sat and sweated instead.
The service was gorgeous. Listening to the singing in-person is entirely different to through the Zoom meeting. Today was Tu B'av, and Rabbi talked about the love we hold for one another as human beings. How love is an active choice and we should continue to make that choice and love one another. I was enraptured.
Afterwards, I spoke with a young guy who has two jobs and looked exhausted. He asked me if I went to the high school -- I said, no, I graduated. When did you graduate? This boy graduated in TWENTY TWENTY ONE. He was shocked when I told him I graduated in 2015. I felt like I aged thirty years right in front of him and wove my way through the oneg and out the door.
I'm glad I left when I did, though. I just started bleeding.